As the sun rose this morning, it was soft and gentle. Some days it's quite astounding in all of it's brilliance. I love when the colors are bold, exaggerated, and breathtaking. However, today was not that day. Yet for me, there was such peace in the gentleness and the subdue. It was almost a quieting of the heart that I didn't know I needed till a few hours later.
The mountain in the distance looked today as one blue-gray swipe of a paintbrush on a canvas. There was no definition of the trees that I often can see on a clear day, just an outline of a pronounced silhouette in front of me offset by the changing hues of the morning. The outline assured me of this rock's remaining presence, but no details. Oddly enough, I still found beauty in knowing it was there even though I couldn't see the details in the distance.
I was reminded that I also have a rock that won't be moved (Is 28:16) -- Jesus, my Chief Cornerstone (Eph 2:20). He is always present. In fact, He is omnipresent, present in all places at all times. It's hard for our minds to conceive such an ability. My favorite part of omnipresent is that He is present at all TIMES -- past, present, and FUTURE -- not just for me, but for each of us. There are days that I can clearly see what lies in front of me, the specifics of how to pray and what to do, and I feel secure. Then there are other days like today where I can't see how He's working this out for good (Rom 8:28), or why I didn't get the answer I wanted when it was a good plan (or so I thought). I can't plainly see the details of what is to come in the distant future.
Most times it would leave me somewhat anxious and alarmed. My normal response would be to try and figure it out on my own and put my plan into action, but today's imagery put a different response in my heart. God knows just how to speak to each one us, and His timing is always perfect. Two hours after the Lord spoke peace and reassurance of His presence to me, the news came that I lost another person to cancer, the sixth this year and the third of three beautiful women, friends my age. To say 'I HATE CANCER' wouldn't brush the surface of my animosity against this disease. With the flood of emotions that began to rise, the confusing and frustrating question of 'why' surfaced to the top. I had a few moments alone with WHY, but then the imagery of the morning overtook it. It was as if the Lord said, "You may not be able to see the details, but be assured of My presence. I am here, and I am the God of the details."
I don't know how He does it -- how He perfectly weaves our lives together with the ups and downs, the good and bad to make something beautiful; but that's not my job to understand. Our finite minds cannot comprehend His ways for they are so much higher than our own (Is 55:8-9), and we only lead our minds down a road of confusion and chaos by trying to do so. It is my job, however, to trust His plan even when I can't see the details (Prov 3:5). So much of life is a test and a trust. It's a constant upward growth pattern. Just when you think you've arrived, it's time to go to a new level of trust in Jesus. Today was that day for me. Will I sit down in the ashes of 'I didn't get what I want', or will I let my heart be subdued by the reassuring silhouette of His presence against the changing hues of life? I may not understand, but I trust His plan. I may not know the details, but I know the God of the details.
He is present. Peace is mine. My heart is quieted.